Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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