dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
