im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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