The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
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I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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