We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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