My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
