I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
