is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
