You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
