ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
