I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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