I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
