Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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