the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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