i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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