I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
