Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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