oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
