She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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