my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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