I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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