I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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