mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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