U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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