you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
