I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
