Where did you get a picture of my penis
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
