Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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