Screwed.edu
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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