Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
