I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
