I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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