I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
