he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I party with great urgency now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
