mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
