I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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