Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
