Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your cock deserves a montage
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She made me pour olive oil on her.