Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games

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  (415): I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games http://tfl.nu/i5dy
  Replies (8) Good night (650) Bad night (1202)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation

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  (504): I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation http://tfl.nu/lbqv
  Replies (22) Good night (1597) Bad night (3337)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.

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  (617): The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke. http://tfl.nu/s0m0
  Replies (13) Good night (2537) Bad night (1928)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.

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  (972): Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip. http://tfl.nu/klsb
  Replies (50) Good night (711) Bad night (6975)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...

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  (781): Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa... http://tfl.nu/bbhr
  Replies (18) Good night (5088) Bad night (1150)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name

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  (970): At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name http://tfl.nu/d4zs
  Replies (12) Good night (3940) Bad night (1227)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.

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  (780): She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile. http://tfl.nu/gnnf
  Replies (12) Good night (6381) Bad night (1014)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.

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  (703): There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse. http://tfl.nu/1du4
  Replies (27) Good night (3575) Bad night (1238)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.

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  (715): I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it. http://tfl.nu/u4wc
  Replies (15) Good night (3535) Bad night (955)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.

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  (814): You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done. http://tfl.nu/ojtz
  Replies (31) Good night (3085) Bad night (949)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.

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  (704): It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals. http://tfl.nu/tnox
  Replies (4) Good night (2183) Bad night (801)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.

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  (402): I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us. http://tfl.nu/si4e
  Replies (3) Good night (1338) Bad night (596)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.

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  (216): Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds. http://tfl.nu/t6po
  Replies (3) Good night (1925) Bad night (620)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.

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  (407): You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window. http://tfl.nu/325b
  Replies (5) Good night (965) Bad night (504)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.

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  (570): Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning. http://tfl.nu/uqvk
  Replies (3) Good night (389) Bad night (627)

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