I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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