He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????