I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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