The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."