Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.