She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
