speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
