dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
