She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
