dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
