he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
