Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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