she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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