tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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