dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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