As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
