im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
