Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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