and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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