how can u be prego again
is wine microwaveable?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
