Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
