I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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