I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My bed smells like the plague
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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