I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
