On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
