Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
