Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
