she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
