I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
