I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize