Jerry, you need to find god
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
