Where is the hickey?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
