Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
