Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
