I accidentally burped into my bong.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
