don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
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We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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