There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
