Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i now understand why vodka
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
