You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
