I'm so fucking centered right now
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
