My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I party with great urgency now.
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