Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
